“We’ve been told in so many books that the quality of our relationships is because of our childhood wounding. No, it’s your relationship to your wound that determines the quality of the relationship.”Christian Pankhurst, Heart Intelligent Relationship Coach/Trainer
A couple of weeks ago I reached a place in my life where I could feel a deep longing to have a deeper sense of my own perfection and goodness.
I’ve realized it is so much easier for me to see other people’s perfection and wholeness than my own. I wanted to feel and know this in the centre of myself.
Surprisingly to me at the time, the following couple of weeks were filled with everything that was not beautiful or pleasant or remotely whole about me in any way.
I was incredibly triggered by other people in my life to the painful depths of some of my oldest wounds. The shame that I came in contact with had been hidden and disguised inside me so I would never have to feel it again……I thought.
Some of the days were incredibly challenging as I felt into some of my oldest hidden shame as it surfaced. I did not go looking for it. Believe me. This was not my idea of a good time.
I was determined to stay with what came. Opening to it as best I could with the support of a friend who could hold that for me without making it wrong or bad. As I was able to feel the sadness connected to it, acknowledge it and give it voice, it began to change. It lost the charge that had been so deeply connected with the original experience.
After a week or so of this movement, I was sitting with the current layer of sadness and shame one morning. I felt something surprisingly new. It was like I’d reached a new place where I could feel some new potential or possibility.
I could feel a ray of light coming from somewhere inside me. A new kind of light I’d never seen or felt before. Like beneath the surface was a diamond that had been formed by all the intensity of my life experience. Ready to be uncovered at the right time. For now, there was this single ray of light visible.
I felt incredible relief and relaxing. It felt like a real confirmation that I was exactly where I needed to be.
Since then, I’ve felt additional rays of light become visible. I continue to feel the potential and possibility of what lies right beneath the surface. A beautiful diamond. Carefully formed and almost ready to be fully exposed to the world at the precise time.
I’m no longer equating my personal value to the mistakes or bad choices I’ve made in my life. My personal value and worth is independent of anything I do or say. It is because I am. I no longer have to be tormented by my current errors or any from my past. I am love simply because I am alive and here today. This is the real freedom I’ve been looking and longing for.
May we all discover our true inner value and worth one step at a time.
May you have more access to your own perfection and goodness today.