This morning as I woke I was noticing and tracking a part of me that was a frightened, anxious and terrified little girl.
She was running around in the shadows attempting to keep me from seeing her. I could feel her terror and fear.
I had the sense that usually she is invisible and I can’t even see her. This morning I could. I could feel her tiny bit of desire to be seen. At the same time it was freaking her out.
I slowly went into the space where she was which was like a very dark forest. I sat down and quieted myself and opened my heart.
I could sense her becoming more settled and less frantic. I continued to sit and open.
I began to be curious about what it is that she is afraid of. Fear is very familiar to me and I was curious about what exactly she is afraid of.
I asked about my usual fears like not being good enough, failing, being rejected, abandoned, hurt, pain, broken heart. All the ones I’m so familiar with.
I couldn’t find it. I always know when I’ve found the truth about something new when I’m unable to hold back my tears. Tears are my truth indicator when it comes to my big ah ha’s and inner Truth.
I continued to open more and to ask for help and guidance because it was obviously something that I had no idea about.
Then I heard this quiet whisper. A very quiet whisper.
It whispered “love”.
And I could feel the tears beginning to flood my eyes. And the sobs that came from deep inside of me. While at the same time questioning the answer that was being so obviously confirmed.
She is afraid of love. I am afraid of love.
How can this be? How can I be afraid of something that another part of me desires so intensely?
I have a deep sense and knowing that this ‘love’ is the real thing. The deep, vast, all encompassing and unconditional love I heard so much about in all my Sunday school stories growing up. Way more than the conditional love we experience daily in our lives.
This is the expansive love frequency that includes every colour of the spectrum in every way imaginable. Everything included. Nothing excluded.
The love I was told existed though I’ve not yet felt was real or that I had any access to it.
And so. Another chapter of my inner Truth begins. My heart being opened in a brand new way. Leading me forward to the integration and deeper understanding of exactly what this does mean to me and to us.
My Heart aches and opens in deep gratitude today.