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Why Relationships are so Good at Triggering Your S***

You know what I mean.

Why is it that every time you find yourself in any relationship, new or old, family or friend, partner or children, eventually something inside you gets triggered? You get poked in incredibly tender places and react.

Often it can cause you to shut down. Or you knee jerk react by attacking or walking away.

Everything that happens in relationships will do one of two things. It will either open you or close you.

Things that get said or not, acted on or not, ignored or not, will always open or close your heart. You will feel closer to the other person or disconnected from them.

In my personal experience, closing is easy. It’s automatic. Fast.

In fact, it is often so fast and automatic that over time you may even forget that there is another option.

The big questions for many of us may be: “How do I open my heart again?” or “How can I keep my heart open more of the time?”

Opening your heart is a journey.

Learning to truly open your heart to love again can be one of the most powerful, risky, daring, frightening and exciting things you might chose to do in your life.

Opening requires a fierceness. You need to want to open. Because some part of you knows that it is what you long for.

And it requires other people. Yep, that’s right. Truly opening your heart to love is a solo journey only at certain points. And the really deep and profound juicy parts of opening are only available in the presence of others.

This doesn’t mean you have to have a partner or lover for this to happen though that can often take you even deeper.

What it means is you need to allow others to feel and see you. And you need to feel and see them. Experimenting and watching what closes your heart so you can explore what it takes for your heart to open again in a safe container of loving individuals.

This is exactly what we do in Living Love Fiercely Heart Intelligence Days.

Every month we meet together to explore what it means to open our hearts to ourselves and to each other in a safe supported place so that we can:

Heal our past
Expand our emotional ranges
Awaken our Divinity, to
Relationship Bliss, so that we can
Trust Life.

Please join us in discovering ways to open your heart to reconnect with yourself and others again. You deserve to feel and know love.

Living Love Fiercely,

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Truth or Conditioning?

How do you tell the difference between truth and conditioning? How you know if what you tell yourself or believe is really true? How can you tell if it comes from what something or someone has told you? Or if it comes from the depths of who you really are?

Good questions, right? How do you know?

This is a tricky question. At some level truth is relative. You can believe whatever you want. At any point in time. You can even change your mind about what your truth is moment by moment. If you want to.

What I’ve discovered about my own truth is that it is alive. In some way it carries an energy or frequency that has motion. It moves.

When I touch a truth I haven’t had access to before, it actually brings me to tears. It’s a bit like waking up. To a part of me I didn’t know before.

One of my favourite parts of working with others is helping them touch and discover their own deep truths. What it is that is really going on. To discern what is real for them in that moment.

Conditioning creates so many stories about our lives. Who did what to us, where, how and why. We can use use the same story repeatedly to stay small and stuck for years. Looping the same themes repeatedly throughout our entire lives.

There is another way.

Yesterday I had the privilege of witnessing and holding space for someone to recognize a deeper truth from their childhood. She had previously thought her deep sorrow and grief was a result of not having the connection she wanted with her dad. He wasn’t around much when she was growing up.

The deeper truth turned out to be that what she really missed was that her parents weren’t able to connect and love each other deeply. Their deep love and connection would have created a safe home and container for her to grow up in. She would have known safe and secure in herself. Instead, what she learned was that she couldn’t trust others or life to really be there for her.

When the new truth was available, moved and landed for her, it was a though an incredible weight she’d been carrying for years was lifted. She was free to remember that it wasn’t about her. She could remember the innate joy present within herself because she is alive.

A part of her woke up. She could connect more deeply with that part of herself that knows what it is she needs and wants. The freedom and expansion of accessing her deepest truth immediately changed everything.

We need each other to be able to discern our deepest inner truth from the conditioning. We need to have someone else hold the possibilities that we don’t have access to by ourselves. We need help to wake up.

What do you need to help you access your deepest truth today? Is there any way I can support you on your journey?

Green River 7-06 151

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My Whispered Truth

This morning as I woke I was noticing and tracking a part of me that was a frightened, anxious and terrified little girl.

She was running around in the shadows attempting to keep me from seeing her. I could feel her terror and fear.

I had the sense that usually she is invisible and I can’t even see her. This morning I could. I could feel her tiny bit of desire to be seen. At the same time it was freaking her out.

I slowly went into the space where she was which was like a very dark forest. I sat down and quieted myself and opened my heart.

I could sense her becoming more settled and less frantic. I continued to sit and open.

I began to be curious about what it is that she is afraid of. Fear is very familiar to me and I was curious about what exactly she is afraid of.

I asked about my usual fears like not being good enough, failing, being rejected, abandoned, hurt, pain, broken heart. All the ones I’m so familiar with.

I couldn’t find it. I always know when I’ve found the truth about something new when I’m unable to hold back my tears. Tears are my truth indicator when it comes to my big ah ha’s and inner Truth.

I continued to open more and to ask for help and guidance because it was obviously something that I had no idea about.

Then I heard this quiet whisper. A very quiet whisper.

It whispered “love”.

And I could feel the tears beginning to flood my eyes. And the sobs that came from deep inside of me. While at the same time questioning the answer that was being so obviously confirmed.

She is afraid of love. I am afraid of love.

How can this be? How can I be afraid of something that another part of me desires so intensely?

I have a deep sense and knowing that this ‘love’ is the real thing. The deep, vast, all encompassing and unconditional love I heard so much about in all my Sunday school stories growing up. Way more than the conditional love we experience daily in our lives.

This is the expansive love frequency that includes every colour of the spectrum in every way imaginable. Everything included. Nothing excluded.

The love I was told existed though I’ve not yet felt was real or that I had any access to it.

And so. Another chapter of my inner Truth begins. My heart being opened in a brand new way. Leading me forward to the integration and deeper understanding of exactly what this does mean to me and to us.

My Heart aches and opens in deep gratitude today.


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Looking Forward…….

Another year has come and gone. I’m amazed how quickly they fly by. The older I get the more rapidly they seem to come and go. (I know, everyone says that right?)
And I see more and more individuals who realize that if they are going to make changes, they’ve got to do it now.
One portion of people with this clarity are the ones who realize that they have most likely already lived more than half their lives. Another group are at the early part of their lives witnessing the dissatisfaction of others including their parents and grandparents. Then there are those who simply know they can’t put it off any longer.
All are choosing with an inner knowing, yearning and longing that they want it now. They won’t wait any longer.
The urgency being felt and experienced by everyone is real. The world is changing every day. Even though we are relatively safe living in parts of North America, there are so many places around that world that are not safe. For many reasons.
The time is now. For each one of us.
What more do you want in your life that will bring you deep contentment, peace and relaxation?
How do you want to be in relationship with those you love? What kind of relationship do you want to have with yourself? Is there anyone that still causes you to feel hurt, anger, or resentment?
How do you want to feel in your physical body? What shifts do you need to make for that to happen?
Do you love your work? And your play? Are you doing things in your life that bring laughter, joy and deep satisfaction?
Can you feel your inner power? Are you able to access it at will to say and be all of who you really are? Do you have access to your own internal fierceness and strength to be the change you want in the world?
I want to create opportunities and space in which to support you in finding the answers to these questions and in doing something about it.
Using the framework of Heart IQ taught by Christian Pankhurst we can do this together. Combined with all the other skills I’ve accumulated over the years, and your willingness and desire to have more, we’ve got this. Let’s come together to make 2015 the best and most expansive year yet.
Below are the next two events I’m hosting that will support you in creating the life you deserve.
Thank you for you willingness to be and to have more in life. I hope to see you soon.
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Healing the Need to Be Right

I can still remember the moment in a self help retreat when I realized that I was incredibly attached to being right. I felt as though I’d finally been able to see some incredible gem that hadn’t been available before. That was about as far as I went with it at the time.

Looking back, being right was so innate I didn’t realize it was a strategy for me to stay safe.  I would often stay silent to avoid any possibility of not being right. I would only do things that I knew I could succeed at doing. I watched others until I felt I knew enough to be somewhat successful before trying anything new.

What I didn’t know about that incredible insight then or for many years after was that there was a much deeper aspect that has been running that particular part of me and how I lived my life.

I had equated my sense of worth and value with being rightBeing right meant that I had value. I had worth. I deserved to have what I longed for. I thought.

If I was wrong I was useless. Unworthy. Bad. Undeserving.

This was far from being conscious knowledge. This was running in my survival strategy tool box. My unconscious mind had somehow discerned early in my life that my self value was derived from being good and right. Anything less than that meant I didn’t matter, was unloveable and had no value.

In the midst of it, I did not have access to this knowledge.

I pretended that I had value and a sense of self to be right. I pretended to always be right because without that I had no sense of value inside of me. I didn’t deserve to even be alive at some level.

I had lost connection with my internal sense of worth and deserving very early in my life. The part of me that is perfect, loving and has value regardless of anything else around me.


Healing Relationships

Needing to be right made it impossible for me to be in a healthy relationship. I had no way of dealing with conflict in a healthy way. I avoided conflict at all costs and have paid the price over the years.

How do I know this? What has changed? Recently I found myself in the midst of a huge conflict with my ex-husband. This time I was actually able to acknowledge my own part of what had contributed to the difficulty.

I actually felt better instead of worse this time. I wasn’t bad because of the event. I did something that wasn’t completely respectful or open. And that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. It means I could have done it much better and will do so next time. It’s okay for me to make a mistake and to even admit it.

This is a new one for me. It’s okay for me to make a mistake. Own it. And I’m still loveable, valuable and worthy. I like this new place of being. A lot!

Needing to be right comes from an inner place that doesn’t know that your value is independent of being right or wrong, good or bad.

When we equate our value and worth with being right and winning, we end up being the losers. Power struggles ensue like what we are witnessing all over the world today. We have forgotten that our inner value is independent of winning or being right.

How do we reset this in our world today? How do we remind each other that our individual inner value is innate? How do we remember our inner perfection? Regardless of nation, colour, class, income or race.

It begins with us. You. Me. One at a time. Remembering. Practicing. In a safe place.

Living Love Fiercely Circles is a great place to start.

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Healing My Relationship to Me

This just in…..
“We’ve been told in so many books that the quality of our relationships is because of our childhood wounding. No, it’s your relationship to your wound that determines the quality of the relationship.”
Christian Pankhurst, Heart Intelligent Relationship Coach/Trainer

A couple of weeks ago I reached a place in my life where I could feel a deep longing to have a deeper sense of my own perfection and goodness.

I’ve realized it is so much easier for me to see other people’s perfection and wholeness than my own. I wanted to feel and know this in the centre of myself.

Surprisingly to me at the time, the following couple of weeks were filled with everything that was not beautiful or pleasant or remotely whole about me in any way.

I was incredibly triggered by other people in my life to the painful depths of some of my oldest wounds. The shame that I came in contact with had been hidden and disguised inside me so I would never have to feel it again……I thought.

Some of the days were incredibly challenging as I felt into some of my oldest hidden shame as it surfaced. I did not go looking for it. Believe me. This was not my idea of a good time.

I was determined to stay with what came. Opening to it as best I could with the support of a friend who could hold that for me without making it wrong or bad. As I was able to feel the sadness connected to it, acknowledge it and give it voice, it began to change. It lost the charge that had been so deeply connected with the original experience.

After a week or so of this movement, I was sitting with the current layer of sadness and shame one morning. I felt something surprisingly new. It was like I’d reached a new place where I could feel some new potential or possibility.

I could feel a ray of light coming from somewhere inside me. A new kind of light I’d never seen or felt before. Like beneath the surface was a diamond that had been formed by all the intensity of my life experience. Ready to be uncovered at the right time. For now, there was this single ray of light visible.

I felt incredible relief and relaxing. It felt like a real confirmation that I was exactly where I needed to be.

Since then, I’ve felt additional rays of light become visible. I continue to feel the potential and possibility of what lies right beneath the surface. A beautiful diamond. Carefully formed and almost ready to be fully exposed to the world at the precise time.

I’m no longer equating my personal value to the mistakes or bad choices I’ve made in my life. My personal value and worth is independent of anything I do or say. It is because I am. I no longer have to be tormented by my current errors or any from my past. I am love simply because I am alive and here today. This is the real freedom I’ve been looking and longing for.

May we all discover our true inner value and worth one step at a time.

May you have more access to your own perfection and goodness today.



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Today I Claim My Power

Okay. Here goes.

There is a part of me I have resisted acknowledging and claiming for my entire life. A range I’ve rejected in myself.

A frequency others have carried and shown me that terrifies me. Shut me down. Caused me to cut and run. Turn my back. Roll over. Play dead.

Authority figures are power. Some flaunt it about like a new toy. Ready to overcome the next person that threatens them. Step on them. Destroy them.

Powerful creators of all kinds often manage this one well. They know what they want. They do it. They overcome anything in the way. They do what they came to do. Regardless who or what might be blocking them. They take action and create. It may cost them something big or not. They act. Now.

Embodied Heart Intelligent people integrate and put this power, knowing, strength and courage into action. They speak their voice. They insist on being heard. They open to give all and receive all.

They stand up. Show their face. Allow themselves to be seen. To be witnessed. To be held. To be acknowledged. Alive.

Demonstrating their fire. Their passion. Their love. What drives them. To where. Now.

Today I claim my power. The will to know my own truth beyond the shadow of a doubt. To go beyond the conditioning that has rendered me silent. Helpless. Useless. Invisible. Subservient. Powerless.

The power to speak my truth. To show up. To be vulnerable. To inspire hope. To guide. To impart courage. Strength. Power. Clarity. Intention. Passion.

To be all of me. The big. The little. The powerful. The weak. The good. Bad. Ugly. Vast. Beautiful. Creative. Insightful. Awesome.



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Times Are Changing……You Don’t have to Do This Alone

The past couple of months have been intense. For some of us it has been a bit like being pushed through the birth canal again. 

For others it has been like being put in the blender at a variable speed setting.
And yet others may have felt like whirlwinds were moving through their lives. Or maybe hurricanes. Or soft breezes.
Regardless of how it all has felt for you, it is all of great importance and value. 

We are Awakening. You are Awakening.

There are a variety of terms used to describe this time on Earth.

Ascension. New Consciousness. Dimensional shifts out of the Third Dimension to the Fourth, Fifth and Sixth. A New Earth. And probably others I haven’t heard of or have forgotten.

Whatever you want to call it, we are all being expanded and awakened to what is real and what is illusion. What is your truth and what is your conditioning.

To support this end, everything now is about clearing the past experiences, memories and emotions. Your internal cellular circuitry and systems are being completely reset.

Undigested past events and memories are heavy, dense and emotionally charged. They block the new frequencies like a dam blocks a river. The energies back up and cause all kinds of difficulties, challenges, pain, and tension emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

Your nervous system is being upgraded so you can run the new frequencies that are now available. So you can relax, flow and enjoy living life.

An aspect of this resetting is to discover your truth. To accept what is true and real. Then to express what that is for you Now.

All of you. Here. Now. Exactly as you are.

You can then explore and practice turning up your love dial to the highest setting available to you in any given moment.

This is big. We’ve never had access to what we do now. These truly are new frequencies of energy on Earth. Exactly what we have been waiting for. Consciously and unconsciously. The time is here. NOW.

We are all integrating the shifts and changes somehow. They are beyond logical understanding which makes it tricky. We need each other to be able to navigate it all.

To think we can do this alone is the old way. The past.

Individual coping and survival is now out of date and being cleared. New energies are replacing them.

NOW requires us to come together. To open our hearts. To trust. To connect. To heal. To explore Being. Together.

To support you in moving forward through the new frequencies at play, I have two offerings that may be of great value and support to you right now…..thank you for being here.



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Vulnerability is the Path to Being Alive

Nature has always been my guide. Springtime is my reminder to be vulnerable.

Like the new leaves unfurling themselves. Flowers bursting forth. Seeds opening to their inner guidance.

Vulnerability. It’s like a dirty word to many of us humans. Nature does it effortlessly.

Consciously and unconsciously we tend to avoid it at all costs. Showing our underbelly. Soft spot. Raw place. Pain. Hurt.

I thought I always had to be tough. Not show any sign of weakness. I couldn’t let anyone know how I really felt about anything. It was way too dangerous. They might not like me. They might outright reject me. Abandon me. Hurt me.

Years ago a friend invited me to speak my truth. I don’t remember the particulars. What I do remember is that when I finally got honest, he could feel me more. I was still alive. He was still there.

He commented on how much more strength in me he could feel then. How it takes more courage to be honest. In my truth. My real.

As I felt more deeply into this place, I could sense it too. It required way more courage for me to be vulnerable than to fake being strong when I really wasn’t.

He could feel me more. He also liked what he felt in me more than when I was pretending. Staying shallow. Aloof. Fake.

I could feel me more too. I felt exposed. Tender. Expanded. Cautious. Open.

I can still remember the exact moment it dropped in that I could also be strong and courageous being vulnerable. It still feels amazing every time I remember.

It’s that same kind of strength and courage I see everyday as the new little flowers push themselves up out of the ground. That determination to reach the light. That fragile tender shoot bursting upward.

Risking everything to be exactly what it is. Alive. Rich. Beautiful. Following its own inner knowing to be exactly what it has come to be in the world.

Vulnerability is the path to being truly alive.

Are you willing to live life? Live Love? Fiercely?

I am.


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The Way to Joy Through Pain

I recently experienced a deep pain I’d buried for many years.

After my last significant relationship over six years ago, I was devastated. I was unable at that time to allow myself to feel what had happened. I only wanted to get away from it.

So I buried the hurt. The wounds. The anger. The regret. The judgements. The blame. The shame.

As it resurfaced I could feel the overwhelming pain I’d buried and had been hiding inside of me. It was heavy, dark, and despairing. And at the same time it was good to feel. It was necessary to feel.

My challenge was that I got lost in the pain. The story of it all. Who did what to whom and why. I felt stuck and didn’t know how to get out.

Somewhere in there I realized that the recurring theme was that ‘I didn’t know that I deserved to have a relationship be any better than that’. I didn’t know that I deserved to be adored. Loved. Acknowledged. Accepted. Heard. Seen.

So I had settled for something that felt unsettling and terrible a lot of the time.

As my awareness of this aspect increased I was still lost in the story of it all.

Two of my coaching colleagues supported and helped me find my way out. They held space for me to acknowledge how I had really rejected myself. Denied myself. Ignored myself.

Not because I knew any better. Because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know how to honour myself. Respect myself. Love myself. Not then.

They held space for me to claim that I deserve to be loved. Supported. Heard. Adored. Cherished. Treasured. I am worthy to have the best that life and a relationship has to offer me.

I’m learning. Now. How to love myself more. To take care of myself better.

To listen to what I need in each moment. To say “No” when I feel disrespected. To walk away when it doesn’t feel good. To make myself a snack when I feel hungry. To stop and rest when I’m exhausted. To dance when I want to move. To ask myself what I want now. In this moment. For me.

The way to joy. It is a journey. A process. Easier some days than others.

I’m developing more compassion for myself. Love for me. Joy in my heart.


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