Tag Archives | healing

Healing the Need to Be Right

I can still remember the moment in a self help retreat when I realized that I was incredibly attached to being right. I felt as though I’d finally been able to see some incredible gem that hadn’t been available before. That was about as far as I went with it at the time.

Looking back, being right was so innate I didn’t realize it was a strategy for me to stay safe.  I would often stay silent to avoid any possibility of not being right. I would only do things that I knew I could succeed at doing. I watched others until I felt I knew enough to be somewhat successful before trying anything new.

What I didn’t know about that incredible insight then or for many years after was that there was a much deeper aspect that has been running that particular part of me and how I lived my life.

I had equated my sense of worth and value with being rightBeing right meant that I had value. I had worth. I deserved to have what I longed for. I thought.

If I was wrong I was useless. Unworthy. Bad. Undeserving.

This was far from being conscious knowledge. This was running in my survival strategy tool box. My unconscious mind had somehow discerned early in my life that my self value was derived from being good and right. Anything less than that meant I didn’t matter, was unloveable and had no value.

In the midst of it, I did not have access to this knowledge.

I pretended that I had value and a sense of self to be right. I pretended to always be right because without that I had no sense of value inside of me. I didn’t deserve to even be alive at some level.

I had lost connection with my internal sense of worth and deserving very early in my life. The part of me that is perfect, loving and has value regardless of anything else around me.


Healing Relationships

Needing to be right made it impossible for me to be in a healthy relationship. I had no way of dealing with conflict in a healthy way. I avoided conflict at all costs and have paid the price over the years.

How do I know this? What has changed? Recently I found myself in the midst of a huge conflict with my ex-husband. This time I was actually able to acknowledge my own part of what had contributed to the difficulty.

I actually felt better instead of worse this time. I wasn’t bad because of the event. I did something that wasn’t completely respectful or open. And that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. It means I could have done it much better and will do so next time. It’s okay for me to make a mistake and to even admit it.

This is a new one for me. It’s okay for me to make a mistake. Own it. And I’m still loveable, valuable and worthy. I like this new place of being. A lot!

Needing to be right comes from an inner place that doesn’t know that your value is independent of being right or wrong, good or bad.

When we equate our value and worth with being right and winning, we end up being the losers. Power struggles ensue like what we are witnessing all over the world today. We have forgotten that our inner value is independent of winning or being right.

How do we reset this in our world today? How do we remind each other that our individual inner value is innate? How do we remember our inner perfection? Regardless of nation, colour, class, income or race.

It begins with us. You. Me. One at a time. Remembering. Practicing. In a safe place.

Living Love Fiercely Circles is a great place to start.

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Allowing Triggers to Lead the Way to Possibilities

Here we are at the very beginning of a New Year!  The excitement and anticipation of beginning something new contains so many possibilities when we are open to seeing them.

I’ve been exploring the possibilities in being able to see the absolute perfection in every moment.  I was just reading Eckhart Tolle’s, A New Earth again this morning, which is such an great reminder of the power of being present and conscious in this exact moment.  All we have are moments each and every day.  The choice we have is where we place our thoughts and focus each and every moment.  When we focus on the past or the future we are missing this moment.

One of my biggest learning opportunities has been to recognize triggers, or things that upset me or grab my attention or focus, as learning opportunities.  These triggers are the gateway to healing the parts within that have yet to be healed inside of me.

When I am able to be conscious as the trigger is present, and to observe what I am doing with it, I am changing a deep and usually a very old pattern within me.  Perhaps it is an old defense mechanism that I developed in order to cope with hurt or pain that I experienced as a child.  By tracing my reaction back to another time or even to it’s place of origin in order to discover what the orginal hurt was, I have the opportunity to heal that place inside of me.  Triggers are the opportunities to heal deeply within. 

It can be a challenge initially to bring oneself into consciousness when this is happening.  I encourage you to find a place of being curious initially, and asking what could be the opportunity in this place?  It is deeply rewarding to persist and note that each time you do it, it is easier and requires less time to process.

Often it is another person who initiates the trigger, and in our confusion, we think it is about them.  Actually, they are the angel presenting the opportunity for us to heal the deep parts of us that are asking for healing.  Everything that happens to us is only about us.  We have invited all kinds of angels into our lives to help us heal deeply within, which in time will make it even easier to be present in this moment.

I will know I have healed deeply when I am at peace with everything that happens at every moment in my life.

My hope for us all this year is that we can embrace each and every moment as a gift….And that when we are triggered, that we can step into consciousness and see that moment as a healing opportunity….And that we are able to give thanks for every angel that presents us with the possibility to heal and discover the peace and joy that is already ours….

Namaste’,  Cindy

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