Looking for approval can become very automatic early in life because it begins as the innate urge to find love and a sense of belonging. What originates as the search for these essential human needs can then become the default pattern through our entire lives as we search for love through the approval of others. We will do almost anything to feel that love, a behaviour that may also originate in the fear of not being loved. In other words, our need for approval can be difficult to see when it is the way that we have lived our entire lives.
We can end up losing who we are in a world of desperately seeking approval and meaning through others and things outside ourselves. This search keeps us distant and separated from who we really are. When we only look outside of ourselves for connection and love, we end up losing our connection with self to the point that we no longer even know who we are.
I’ve included a few questions that help me become aware of when I’m looking for approval in situations. I have noticed that one of the biggest indicators for me is when I have a knee-jerk reaction to a situation or comment from someone. Awareness is a great place to start.
Becoming aware of approval
Are you concerned about what someone else will think when you make a decision?
Do you find yourself questioning a decision you made because your best friend or support person didn’t respond with a resounding round of applause?
Do you expect others to have an opinion about your choices?
Do you feel upset when someone doesn’t agree with you?
Do you rely on the opinions of others before you check in with what your own opinion is about a topic?
Do you find that you second guess yourself sometimes?
Do you base decisions on what you think will make the least waves with your family?
In what other ways do you look for approval?
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