“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~Bernice Johnson Reagon
I feel like I’m coming unraveled. I’ve had at least one episode of crying daily for almost a week now. Some days it is more often and from a very deep place inside. I can’t completely explain it, though I’m feeling like some deep pain has been finding its way to the surface and this is my way of feeling, acknowledging and allowing it to be seen and released.
This isn’t a new experience for me. It’s happened many times over the years. What is new is that I’m admitting it.
Being a practitioner in the healing arts, I’ve always thought that I ought to have sorted my way through all my issues and pain and that I can’t let anyone else know that I don’t have it all together. It would discredit me and prove that I’m not good enough, which would confirm all the thoughts and stories I have about myself.
I know at some level that I’m not my sadness and I also know that there seems to be a lot of it bubbling up from inside of me these days. Having experienced times like this in the past, I know they come and go. I can feel the lightness that comes after a deep release as well.
Being in the middle of it is the most challenging part for me, as there is a temptation to get lost in it and to forget that this too will pass.
I’m learning to remember that as much as I want to report that I am experiencing joy at every moment, what I want even more than that is to be honest and real with where I am with myself in each moment. I value being authentic over appearing to always be feeling great.
The real beauty of it all is that I’m learning that I am still able to access joy in the midst of experiencing my pain and that it is okay. I’m remembering and experiencing that acknowledging the old pain is often the biggest doorway to even deeper joy.
Comments are closed.