Recently I was working with a new client who was struggling with most of the significant relationships in his life. I suggested that he experiment and try ‘holding space’ for each person rather than trying to fix them, offer advice or suggest how they should do it differently and see what happens. This would also be in contrast to his other way of dealing with relationship interactions, which was to shut down and disconnect from the person so he didn’t listen to anything that they were saying.
He tried ‘holding space’ for a week and when we met next time, he reported that he was blown away by how much difference it had made in every relationship. ‘Holding space’ had positively improved every relationship that had previously been so challenging and difficult. He was amazed having done years of counseling that something as simple as ‘holding space’ could make such a profound difference.
What is holding space?
Holding space begins by placing your loving attention on yourself. It really helps to bring your attention into your lower belly anywhere that feels good. As you do, feel solid and grounded in yourself. It is essential to be present with yourself first so you can be present with the other person.
Then bring your attention into your heart area directing your focus and energy on the other person with compassion and caring. See the other person knowing and trusting that they are complete, whole and perfect exactly the way they are without needing to do anything.
It’s a bit like seeing through the story to what is behind all of the words. When you open first to yourself and give your attention from inside you, and then focus on the other person, they can feel space inside of themselves. They can tap into what is really going on, how they feel about it and what they want to do next. They have all the answers inside and can access them when you see them as perfect and complete in this moment.
Holding space is one the most profound and amazing gifts that we can give to one another during these tumultuous and crazy times. Your loving presence can turn distress and confusion into magic. As a community we can create a new normal in a world where safety is readily available and we give each other permission to be exactly where we are now.
What kind of magic do you want to create in your relationships today? How can you hold space for someone who really needs to be heard and seen?
If you want to seriously practice holding space and feel what happens in an amplified field when you do, consider coming to one of the circle gatherings happening each month. Each second and fourth Thursday we meet at 6:30 and the first Saturday of the month we gather for the day from 10 am to 4 pm. It is an excellent opportunity to experience holding space as the person holding and as the person receiving. This is a powerful practice that will change the world.
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