There are days right now when I think I can’t stand going through yet another dark, gray, rainy and cold winter. I often find it so challenging to maintain a positive state of mind and to have enough motivation and energy to get through the day. I suspect I’m not alone in struggling with the increasing amount of darkness this time of year. And this year, being 2012, there seems to be an unleashing of even more unknown powers and possibilities into this particular December.

As I stand along the shoreline of the Gorge Inlet along the Galloping Goose Trail on a dark and cold December afternoon, I’m reminded of the power of the darkness and why the darkness is necessary and even essential for me (and maybe you too).

In this moment, being able to see the lights of the city right now, I recognize and see the perfection and beauty in a way that would be impossible to even imagine on a sunny summer afternoon in June.

Only now at 5 pm on a December afternoon in the gray and cold, is it possible to see the lights of the city shine like this. They glitter and sparkle through the mist and drops of rain to turn the entire view along the shore into a magical scene of sparkling lights and beauty.

Every small light, only visible in the darkness, contributes to the incredible view that only be observed now, in the dead of winter.

It is only because there is darkness that we know there is also light. We need the contrast with the darkness to see, know and feel what it is to “know the light”. The darkness gives us the reminder of how precious and beautiful light truly is. We know light only because of the darkness actually making it possible for us to feel and understand it somehow.

I really believe that is why many of us long to decorate with all kinds of lights and candles this time of year. I can still remember the joy and excitement I felt as a child when the Christmas decorations came out and we got to put up the lights. Even now, I love to look and behold the beauty of the lights along the streets and decorating our homes, brightening up our lives in this dark time of year.

It helps bring me back to myself and the light that is within each one of us. May we each be reminded of our own light shining so brightly within each of us and those around us.

Reasons Darkness is Essential and How to Maximize the Gifts that Darkness Brings:

1) It is only because of the darkness that we can know light. Contrast is the necessary aspect of understanding so many parts of life. If all we knew and experienced was light, we wouldn’t know how amazing and special it is.
Your invitation:  Find ways to be thankful for the darkness.

2) Darkness supports us moving into stillness and quiet. It is only when we take the time to go inside to get still and quiet that we can begin to make sense of where we are now. And only when we know where we currently are can we decide where we want to be.
Your invitation: Find ways to be still in the darkness.

3) Our shadows are found in the darkness. These are the parts of us that we try to hide from others, though they are usually most obvious to others in our attempts to hide them. Winter can be the perfect time to make friends with the parts of us we try to hide.
Your invitation: Find ways to fall in love with your own shadows.

4)  Darkness is an invitation to go inside to rest and sleep more. After spending months working to maximize the growing season so we can be supplied with food, warmth and shelter, it is now time to rest your body and mind in preparation for the upcoming new year. The changing seasons give us with the perfect opportunity to replenish ourselves inside as long as we listen and honor those needs.
Your invitation: Find ways to rest, nurture, and replenish your inner and outer being.

5) Darkness emphasizes the brilliance of the light. Like looking through a kaleidoscope, you can be the light for others. You can bring awe and magic light to all those around you in the darkness.
Your invitation: Step up and be the bright light in the world that you truly are!

Happy December 2012. May this year be the brightest of all times!

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I hit my head hard on the downstairs heater duct one morning last week and fell instantly into a sobbing heap of tears for more than five minutes. The tears came from some deep space inside I really didn’t even know existed. I couldn’t have held them back even if I tried.

I’d already spent the previous night and earlier that morning feeling the potential depths of some old buried sorrow so the dam of tears had already been acknowledged, though I didn’t expect the power and force of this release that physically knocked me to my knees.

I know when I think about it, the last few years have been a journey that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I guess there is a part of me that does attempt to push it away and down play how difficult it has really been.

Two years ago when my son Raven’s seizures became so impossible to control and we opted for surgery, we had no idea where that would lead us. After three surgeries and almost two months in the hospital, which originally was supposed to be two weeks, we came home to attempt to put together the pieces of our life again. Only this time, there was no space to process what had really just happened, given that the recovery from brain surgery can take years. We have been living it all everyday since then.

The seizures have improved somewhat since before surgery, though they continue to occur very randomly on a regular basis. Some days and weeks are easier than others. This is our normal. I am recognizing that at times I don’t realize the energy it takes to be on 24/7.

Moving Forward

Right now, my focus is to find ways to stay filled up inside. If I allow myself to drop down to empty, it is risky for both of us because I have nothing left to function from. We are finding our way to make it work and ways that we can both get filled up. This is only my side of our lives. I have no real idea what it is like to be Raven either.

We all have areas in our lives that require more energy than we may be aware of. Or some event or time that was extremely difficult that we don’t dare look at or attempt to deal with because it was just too hard.

I’m learning to offer myself more compassion and to be more open to receive from others. I’ve always been way better at being compassionate and giving to others which at times has been my way of avoiding my own pain. I went to school 30 years ago to be a nurse and have continually chosen work that supports and helps others. What I understand more than ever is that I need my attention and support first, then I will have a continuous flow for the others around me.

It’s pretty challenging to shift those old patterns though I’m so aware of how they no longer work for me. I’m so grateful for all the support and kindness of all the people in my life. I’ve been surrounded by so many angels at exactly the right times.

What do you need to give to yourself first so that your tank stays full for others around you? How can you open to receive love and support daily? How can you be gentle with yourself in each moment?

Namaste’

Cindy

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As we move closer to Winter Solstice, the hours of darkness continue to increase each day. With the clouds and rain here on the coast, some days almost feel as though the sun is a million miles away.

I struggle some days, like many of us, longing for the light and sun to fill me up again with its radiance and warmth.

As I become more aware of this longing, I also realize that it is because of the darkness that I know the beauty of the light. Without contrast, we have no point of reference to understand or make sense of that which we want to know or experience.

It is because of the darkness that I know the beauty of the light. I find myself asking, “What if I am able to accept the darkness as it is? Without judgement or making it bad?”.

I find myself wondering how to drop into the darkness with full acceptance of what it is. In that curiosity, it becomes easier for me to see the beauty in this heavier and more internal place of being. I am able to see the bigger picture of how the flow of seasonal changes are an intricate part of my world, both inside and out.

The darkness allows the trees and plants to rest and store up their energy in a deep and nourishing way for the following season. The rains fill the rivers and creeks allowing the salmon to continue their life cycle and for the water table to be replenished.  The rainforests and all the vegetation are replenished after a rather dry summer and fall.

Within me, I recognize and deep need for rest as well. It has been a full and busy summer with lots of traveling and activities and I need some quiet time to go within and be reflective. What is it I want to be doing? Am I moving the right direction? What is it I need to fill me up during this time of darkness so I will be prepared to burst forth in the spring ready to take action and make some important moves? How can I lovingly nurture myself best right now?

I still feel a real urge to accomplish and get things done. Can I be willing to use this time to nurture and take care of myself while staying open to finding a juicy balance with action in my practice and around the house?

How are you being called to be with the darkness this year? What do you long for in the depths of your being that will nurture, replenish and fill you up?

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Autumn is fully upon us now as the rains pour down and quench the thirst of all the plants and vegetation while filling up the rivers and streams for the waiting salmon to make their epic journeys back upstream where they originally came from. The salmon are rising to the call of their inner guidance systems or instincts to return to their own place of origin to begin the cycle of life once again.

Everywhere I look around in our world there are tragedies and chaos. From our environmental challenges, to homelessness, poverty, war, teenage suicides, bullying, hunger and political upheavals all over the world and in the midst of it all I have often found myself feeling such helplessness and powerlessness that I want to hide from it all or point fingers and blame it all on someone else somewhere.

I’m coming to believe more and more strongly in the midst of it all that the greatest gift that I can give the world is to become a fully healthy human being. For me that means taking responsibility for what is mine and to become aware in an integrated way to enable me to make choices from my heart and my own truth about myself and the life I chose to live. It is about rising up to listen to my own inner call to be all that I can possibly be in a world that is filled with so much disconnect and pain.

The second greatest gift I can give the world is to come together in community with like minded heart centered people to live and act from a place of clarity and authenticity to help make better choices and decisions about how we live here on planet Earth. This is the only planet we have.

This coming weekend on October 20 and 21, I want to invite you to attend a workshop I will be presenting at the Intuitive Arts Festival in James Bay which I’ve titled “The Truth About Healing: You are not broken and do not need to be fixed”.

I’ll be sharing the importance of understanding the healing process from a place of integrated awareness where the focus is placed on our individual goodness, wholeness and completeness along with some practices to facilitate tracking the layers of awareness which help lead to a new place of choice in life. The time will be fun and inspiring to help lead us toward becoming a healthy heart centered person.

I hope that you can make it and please invite others as well to come together for a weekend of fun, exploration and connection. I will be bringing my Crystal Bed for people to try and there will be a variety of people offering their skills and expertise in many interesting areas.

What are you being called to do in this moment? How will you rise to the call?

Namaste’, Cindy

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I had the opportunity to attend a concert by an incredibly talented and gifted friend of mine who is an amazing singer and piano player. I was so touched and moved by her brilliant talent, the way she sang moved and was touching the souls of each person in the audience with her essence.

I found myself quickly comparing myself to her and how I couldn’t do anything even remotely so powerful and beautiful. I could feel a dark cloud of judgement about how I am not good enough descending down upon me which was threatening my opportunity to enjoy and witness her wonderful gifts.

I have noticed recently a more obvious tendency for me to compare myself to people that I see as being incredibly gifted and talented in the world and doing their work so brilliantly for everyone to see. It then leads to me wonder what in the world I think I’m doing that is relatively of any value to anyone.

It is such a trap for me to judge and compare myself with others and yet I do it regularly, dropping into my not good enough story every time.

In our society, we are often encouraged to compare ourselves to others, which ideally will inspire us to greater attention, focus and motivation in what we are doing. Most often though, it can make us feel worse about ourselves and drive us into more inaction than before.

Once I was able to observe and acknowledge my judgement about myself at the concert, I was then able to let it go. I sat there inspired, moved and filled with joy as I watched her be in her authentic essence, sharing her greatest gifts with the world.

I am left with a sense and determination of wanting to shine brightly in my own way to the world and to inspire others from my own authentic essence. I also recognize a degree of the concept that what I see and like in others is also what I see and like in regard to myself.

What do you see and admire in others that is truly a reflection of who you are?

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“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” ~Bernice Johnson Reagon

I feel like I’m coming unraveled. I’ve had at least one episode of crying daily for almost a week now. Some days it is more often and from a very deep place inside. I can’t completely explain it, though I’m feeling like some deep pain has been finding its way to the surface and this is my way of feeling, acknowledging and allowing it to be seen and released.

This isn’t a new experience for me. It’s happened many times over the years. What is new is that I’m admitting it.

Being a practitioner in the healing arts, I’ve always thought that I ought to have sorted my way through all my issues and pain and that I can’t let anyone else know that I don’t have it all together. It would discredit me and prove that I’m not good enough, which would confirm all the thoughts and stories I have about myself.

I know at some level that I’m not my sadness and I also know that there seems to be a lot of it bubbling up from inside of me these days. Having experienced times like this in the past, I know they come and go. I can feel the lightness that comes after a deep release as well.

Being in the middle of it is the most challenging part for me, as there is a temptation to get lost in it and to forget that this too will pass.

I’m learning to remember that as much as I want to report that I am experiencing joy at every moment, what I want even more than that is to be honest and real with where I am with myself in each moment. I value being authentic over appearing to always be feeling great.

The real beauty of it all is that I’m learning that I am still able to access joy in the midst of experiencing my pain and that it is okay. I’m remembering and experiencing that acknowledging the old pain is often the biggest doorway to even deeper joy.

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What if you were able to shift your perception of your experience from a place of thinking you are broken or there is something wrong with you?

What would happen if you could live your life from a place of knowing and experiencing your innate goodness on a regular daily basis?

When I experience life from a place of thinking that there is something wrong with me or that I am broken and need to be fixed, I experience a lot of fear and separation from myself, as well as from those people who are around me.

I realize in retrospect that I have spent many years searching and looking for all the things about me that are broken and need to be fixed. This approach left me quite fragmented, dissatisfied and very alone, even though at some level I had convinced myself I must be healing after all this purging and releasing.

At some level, it was a part of my practice as well. I found myself looking for the things that were wrong with people when they came in so I could help them fix that broken part.

What I have come to realize is that when I was seeing every symptom and discomfort in my body and others as bad and wrong, I was disconnecting from my experiences and the present moment. Disconnecting from myself and the experience made it impossible for me to find my way to real wellness and health because all I could see is that I was broken and needed to be fixed.

The Truth that I am beginning to feel in my body at a core level is that I am pure goodness, the same as everyone else walking around in human bodies on the planet right now. There is nothing wrong or broken with me or anyone else.

As I continue to deepen this awareness, I feel such peace and joy in everything being perfect in this moment. It doesn’t always mean that I understand it all. What it means for me is that I can trust what it happening to be exactly what I need to bring me closer to myself, my joy and to The Divine.

This awareness is also opening a doorway into clarity I’ve never experienced before. I am more and more able to see through my own stories and what I’ve created to support my own personal projections about myself and others. In this way, I can more clearly see what is really happening.

Experiencing how I shut down, defend and block possible connections and intimacy with myself and others is brilliantly exciting and freeing. When safety is available, I can make a different choice and I’m doing that. It is amazing and I love it.

The Truth

We can’t be anything but pure goodness because we are in the image of the Divine or God or whatever you want to call it.

Did I forget this? Yes.

Have you forgotten this? Probably……

How can I find my way back to remembering my goodness in the midst of so much pain and discomfort?

Let me ask you this, “What if you are able to be with and embrace your pain and discomfort, knowing in the depths of your being that what you are experiencing is information and a message that your body wants you to look at something that you are otherwise unable to see?”

Does that feel different than pushing away the pain in an attempt to deny its existence?

Each time I am able to feel even the possibility of goodness at any level while I am experiencing pain and I hold open the possibility to see the pain or fear as information and an opportunity, I feel more connected to myself in a way that feels more real. It is liberating in a way that makes me want to jump for joy some days.

How to shift perception:

If this is resonating in any way, you are in the right place. If it makes no sense at all that is fine too. Only you know what is right for you and I invite you to step in closer if this feels right.

The concept I’m talking about is simple. Is it easy? No way. We’ve been conditioned to see pain as something wrong that needs to be eliminated as quickly as possible, which is why prescription drugs are so popular. They act as the quick fix and they are just that. We have been conditioned to look for a band-aid approach to life because that is all we know, and at some level, it feels safe because it is familiar.

If your attempts with the band-aid approach are no longer working for you, there is an alternative.

One of the main keys is to realize that we will need help from each other in making this switch in thought patterning. The thought that ‘I can do this by myself’ and ‘I don’t need anyone else’ is also a trap.

Safety is key and essential in stepping toward this new way of perceiving and being with pain; we find that strongest in community with one another.

It takes practice and persistence. One of the best places to practice this is in circle where we are in an enhanced field of safety with the presence of one another, making it easier to access and feel the juice that wants to flow. We also have the advantage of each others processes and work with pain to help show us the way.

The magic is that you are me disguised as you. It is so powerful and rich. My pain is your pain and your pain is mine in the same way that my joy is your joy and your joy is mine.

If this resonates, please contact me and consider joining our small group circles where we practice moving more and more into present moment and being real with exactly what is moving. It is the perfect place to experience and practice the art of becoming aware.

Namaste’

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