Archive | Blog

RSS feed for this section

Experiencing the Full Flow of Giving and Receiving

Yesterday I was out for a walk with my friend around Thetis Lake. It was a gorgeous sunny afternoon and Paul was sharing with me his recent experience with having his backpack stolen out of his friend’s car. His backpack was full of a number of items that had practical and sentimental value. He was sharing his feelings about it, as well as the opportunities he’d found in the experience.

When we got back to the car, my passenger door was unlocked (we had both double-checked before leaving to make sure they were locked) and all of my stuff in the car was strewn around on the floors.

The world seemed to slow down as I began to take in what had happened. I had tucked my purse under the seat and of course, all of the cash was gone. It was around $100 and yet, all of my ID, credit and debit cards were still there. I recognized how relieved I was that my credit cards and ID were there, and considering that, I didn’t feel too bad about the money being gone.

Then I realized I’d left my iPhone in my purse as well, thinking I didn’t need the distraction when we were out and I didn’t have any pockets to put it in. That triggered me tremendously. I use my phone for so many things every day and it is a private reflection of myself.

I could feel the anger and frustration rise and I started to cry as I was in Paul’s arms. Then I got angry and started stomping around the parking lot and was calling these thieves every name I could think of for invading my space and taking my stuff. I walked across the lot to ask some people hanging out if they’d seen anything and the tears continued to flow.

In the mean time, Paul had phoned Rogers so I could cancel my phone service and was following me across the lot with the phone so I could give my information to the representative.

We’d planned to go to Costco as I had to pick something up, so Paul drove. As he was driving, I felt all these intense and powerful feelings coursing through my body: the guilt and shame of having left my purse in the first place, the disbelief of how someone can go through another’s private stuff, that someone feels justified taking from another without asking, and gratitude that all my ID was still there.

I numbly walked into Costco and grabbed a couple of things. I then realized that they had also taken my voucher cheque for $64 that I’d intended to spend. I informed a staff member and she took me right over to cancel it and have another reissued.

During all of this interaction and phone calling, the majority of people responded with, “Oh yeah, that has happened to me so many times,” or “Just last week someone took my phone,” and “I’m so sorry.”

Paul continued to drive while offering possible solutions to the missing phone. When we got home, he insisted we go together to Rogers immediately and deal with replacing my phone. I agreed and we did. After a lengthy period of time including him insisting that they address replacing my phone as soon as possible, a new phone was ordered, I got a loaner phone in the meantime and we came back home.

He left and then I observed myself feeling more normal, amazingly calm and together. I phoned a friend to share this crazy adventure and found that there was little to no charge concerning the entire event as I talked about it. It was astounding to me.

As I shared the story, I realized that the safety I felt having Paul there holding all the space was crucial for me to be able to fully express all the emotions flooding through my system. It allowed me to feel them all and they moved through, rather than getting stuck. We kept moving and I kept talking. Each thing we did to clear things up allowed me to feel empowered, seen and heard.

The reason this is so profound for me is that I have spent the majority of my life in numb. From a very early age whenever something traumatic would happen to me, I would shut down and detach and then be unable to move or do anything. In fact, I had just touched some of those old emotions prior to our hike when I found out about a deadly landslide where we used to live, which evoked similar emotions to an event when I was 22 years old and my best friend was killed. I was frozen and numb for years following that.

It has taken years to move from that place of numb to yesterday when I had the internal permission and safety of Paul’s presence to feel and express it all in a very short period of time. Knowing I was being taken care and supported along with finding my way out of numb over the years made it possible to move through it all so quickly.

In letting go of the money and my phone, I was in turn able to receive the help of a friend and allow him to hold space for me through an avalanche of emotion. He even paid for half the cost of my replacement phone.

Giving and receiving fully is stepping into the full flow of life. Whoever took the money and phone can have them. I wish them well and hope that one day they will have the opportunity to remember their own innate goodness.

In turn, I am open to receive all that life has to offer me in return.

Namaste’

p.s.  Since the initial writing of this experience I have been receiving on a daily basis supportive and unexpected gifts including a late payment from a session months ago that almost covers the amount of money taken and a grant for helping to hire someone to provide respite care for Raven a few hours a week. I’m excited and curious about what may be coming next.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }

Safety is Essential for Change and Healing

I now clearly acknowledge that the most amazing and powerful gift that I can offer you in my practice is to listen and hold space for what is happening inside of you. In doing so, I help to create a container of safety that then allows you to go inside in a deeper way to discover what is there waiting to be allowed and felt, so that it can be felt and experienced in order for it to actually change.

When I hold a space open that allows you to be exactly where you are now, it creates an invisible, though obvious, sense of safety. This, then gives way to the possibility of going inside to access the information needed to know what to do next. Change can then happen in the body, mind, emotional body, energy body or even in your connection with Divine.

Everything you need to find peace, joy and healing is nestled within your heart and soul. You already have the innate wisdom to find what this means for you. The opportunity is to discover the safety that will open the doorway into this knowing. You must feel and experience this sense of safety in order to access this place.

Energetically, flow often begins or expands where it couldn’t happen before. Energy becomes alive and develops solidity. Clarity is then able to come forward while in this place of safety, opening access to the inner knowing at a heart level which is in connection with Divine and the Truth of who you are. When the mind gets quiet, this is possible and the mind can only get quiet when you feel safe.

During a session, the mind, whose job it is to keep you safe at any cost, often finds it possible to slow down dramatically so that the other levels of you can find the healing which allows your entire system to reboot at a higher and brand new level.

For example, when you come into my office and find yourself being seen, heard and honoured in a way that makes you feel comfortable and safe, you relax in a different way, allowing you to access information and insights you can’t find when your mind is racing all over the place, trying to keep you safe. I help to create a field of safety which allows you to move forward.

In addition, we need one another in order to access the depths of our being. It is within a safe community that we discover what we long and yearn for.

It is in feeling safe and asking for help that you allow yourself to drop within at a new and different place to find the links to what can open you up into the freedom your soul yearns for.

Let’s take the journey into our hearts together to transform ourselves, our families, our communities and our world.

Namaste’

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }

The Trap of Fixing Others

From the time I was a very small child, I grew up thinking and believing that it was my job to make things better for others and to take care of them. I thought it was up to me to fix them, to try to make them happy and to somehow keep peace in our house.

In fact, after high school I went to University and studied nursing because I felt that I wanted to learn how to really help others in a bigger way. I took my work very seriously and felt incredibly responsible for whether or not someone was able to improve.

I didn’t know it at the time, though looking back on it now I realize that I personally carried the burden of others’ unhappiness, depression and anger, as well as sickness and illness. It was an incredibly heavy load and there were times when I felt the stress of significant burnout during many of those years of my life.

When I finally decided I was ready and able to begin my own practice using alternative therapies initially, and later specifically focusing on Craniosacral Therapy, I still felt that it was up to me to make things happen and to fix what was wrong with myself and with others.

What I thought was a deep desire to be of service to others and to help them, was actually the continuation of an old pattern of feeling and taking responsibility for others’ difficulties and challenges to the point of feeling guilty when I didn’t succeed in making things better for them.

It has taken many years for me to slowly realize and to put into practice that it is not up to me to know how to fix anyone or anything. This includes myself. I’ve spent years trying to figure out what is wrong with me and then to make all kinds of attempts at fixing me.

I’ve told myself so many times that if only I “do this exercise (or tapping or whatever it may be), every day, I’m sure it will fix my self-esteem and I will finally be successful, meet the right man or have financial abundance.” The cycles are crazy making and at times I felt much worse because it didn’t seem to work at all.

The Simple Solution

What I’ve come to realize and learn over time is that all I need to do is to be with what is inside of me. I’m learning that when I drop inside to watch my thoughts, my emotions, my body, my energy and my connection to Divine right now, I can access my own Truth and begin to live from my heart.

This is one of the first steps of what Christian Pankhurst calls Heart Intelligence. By accessing what I know in each moment, I can know what is true for me now, as well as more and more of the time. It is a practice that requires dedication and time. With this specific focus, I feel profound shifts within myself as I use this method of witnessing on a daily basis.

If you find that this is touching your heart in a way that says “Yes, that is exactly what I’ve been looking for,” I am incredibly excited to share that we will be learning and practicing these skills and many others at the Thursday evening Heart Circles called, Through the Looking Glass.

Community is an essential aspect of this practice. We need one another to assist in amplifying the field so that we can really learn and integrate this information, bringing it deeply into the cells of our being. The next circle will be meeting on July 12th at 6:30 at my office. You can check this out for more details.

I know that some of you do not live in the Victoria area and may feel that this is something you want to explore. Please contact me to explore the possibilities in having heart circles by phone or skype. If this truly calls you, let’s find ways make it possible.

Namaste’

Cindy

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }

Origins of Seeking Approval

Looking for approval can become very automatic early in life because it begins as the innate urge to find love and a sense of belonging. What originates as the search for these essential human needs can then become the default pattern through our entire lives as we search for love through the approval of others. We will do almost anything to feel that love, a behaviour that may also originate in the fear of not being loved. In other words, our need for approval can be difficult to see when it is the way that we have lived our entire lives.

We can end up losing who we are in a world of desperately seeking approval and meaning through others and things outside ourselves. This search keeps us distant and separated from who we really are. When we only look outside of ourselves for connection and love, we end up losing our connection with self to the point that we no longer even know who we are.

I’ve included a few questions that help me become aware of when I’m looking for approval in situations. I have noticed that one of the biggest indicators for me is when I have a knee-jerk reaction to a situation or comment from someone. Awareness is a great place to start.

Becoming aware of approval

Are you concerned about what someone else will think when you make a decision?

Do you find yourself questioning a decision you made because your best friend or support person didn’t respond with a resounding round of applause?

Do you expect others to have an opinion about your choices?

Do you feel upset when someone doesn’t agree with you?

Do you rely on the opinions of others before you check in with what your own opinion is about a topic?

Do you find that you second guess yourself sometimes?

Do you base decisions on what you think will make the least waves with your family?

In what other ways do you look for approval?

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }

Curious About Approval

One of the cards from my deck of angel cards says, “You only need your approval”. Really? Wow, that is such a big concept for me to bring inside myself and into my heart space. You mean I don’t need to keep considering absolutely everything and everyone when I make a choice or decision?

It became incredibly apparent how important approval was for me when I took the enormous step a couple of years ago and opened a Facebook account. I found it fascinating how much anxiety I felt even considering writing a comment on my wall.

Then, once I had actually taken the plunge and posted something, I had huge anxiety about whether or not anyone would read it or even hit the ‘like’ button. It has been intriguing to watch all my reactions regarding the entire approval process through the Facebook journey.

Even more recently, I’ve been tuned in to really see, realize and feel how my need for approval has permeated every aspect of my life and thinking. I look for my own approval about how much I’ve managed to accomplish or get done in a day, as well as for the approval of others in so many ways, ranging from the way I live my life to what food I buy and eat.

I’ve even had a really difficult time coming up with the best way to bring up the subject here in writing because I find myself going all over the place with the topic. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve seen how big a role it has been playing in my life all these years. It’s like some automatic ingrained part that I often haven’t even seen or noticed.

I’m curious now that I’ve brought the subject up and have a few questions and thoughts I’d love to explore with you.

Has the need for approval ever been a challenge for you now or in the past?

Are you aware of approval needs affecting choices you make in your life? If so, where do you find it the most difficult? the easiest?

Do find yourself getting caught making choices based on your perceived thoughts from others?

Are you able to drop into your heart to make a choice based on what is to your highest good? If so, what is most helpful for  you to be able to do this?

What helps you the most step away from approval from others?

Please feel free to email me directly or even add a comment on the blog page to create a conversation and dialogue regarding this fascinating and challenging topic.

With much love and peace,

Cindy

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }

Trusting What Is

For the last four months, our dog Luna has not been well. It started right before we were away in Brazil for six weeks and became worse while we were gone. She has had a number of visible complaints, all of which were temporarily diminished with drugs for various lengths of time. When we got home, I had hoped it was all resolved and we would return to normal, whatever that was.

I was wrong, and within days we were back to where we had been before we left. I had spent a small fortune while we were away to discover that there was nothing wrong with her teeth or mouth. (It was a very expensive teeth cleaning!)

Given that there seemed to be nothing physically wrong after numerous visits to the clinic , I was left to my own intuition to sort it all out for the past two months. This also involved asking for help and further insights from a friend who does animal communication.

I take my role as her human very seriously and know that it up to me to figure it out with the help of those who can give me useful information to work with. There is some real trial and error as she has not been well for a long time, which seems related to food allergies (which are difficult to detect) because when I changed her food, she finally began to improve.

What I’ve come to learn over time is that in this moment, Luna is whole and complete exactly how she is today. I have struggled with expecting her health to be restored to its former state now, and every time I do that, I get mad and frustrated. I get resentful for having spent the money to tell me she has nothing wrong, and I feel guilty because I haven’t solved it all so that she is fine and comfortable in each moment.

When I drop into being grateful that today I can leave the cone off her head for an entire day and she is resting quietly for most of it, something easy and magical happens. Even if I need to put the cone on for an hour or two to prevent her from licking parts of her body raw, I’m okay with it. She is over 12 years old now and incredibly sensitive as dogs go.

I’ve been learning to be compassionate and accepting of what is, and honestly, I don’t know where we will be next week with this. As soon as I think I know what will happen next, another aspect of her healing reveals itself as more toxins are released and something different is going on for her. Only her body knows how long it will take to recover and there is nothing I can do but be patient and trust the small steps of improvement each day.

The more I am attached to what it all needs to look like, the more I suffer and beat myself up. Conversely, the more I accept exactly what is, the easier everything is in an instant. I’m able to be more understanding and grateful for exactly what is happening now.

Are there any areas in your life where you are suffering and in pain? How would you feel if you could accept whatever is happening right now without judgement?

What would it take for you to let go of what you think the situation is supposed to look like?

I invite you to be curious about what that might mean. It takes only awareness and willingness to begin making a change in how we experience each moment of our lives, which can be the difference between enormous suffering and profound peace.

PS  I am happy to report that after many months, Luna is feeling better than in a very long time. Her energy is back, she has quit snoring when she sleeps and she is resting peacefully when she is sleeping all the time now. 🙂

 

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 1 }

The Power of Being

I overheard someone today talking about a family member who has been doing alternative healing for years and was recently diagnosed with a severe case of fibromyalgia.

The person talking expressed surprise and shock that this would happen to someone who had done so much to take care of herself for so long.

It really reminds me of how easy it is to think that ‘doing’ all the right ‘things’ will make us immune to experiencing any kind of illness or disease. I have done that many times myself.

I have experimented with so many things, from organic food and nutritional supplements, to various gadgets and methodology, thinking that if only I did these things, everything would get better and I would happy, healthy and fine.

I’ve gradually learned that it isn’t about the things I ‘do’ as much as it is about healing what is inside me. As I free the depths of my soul and inner being to heal the parts of me that have been hurt and angry and wounded, I find real peace.

It means that I must pay close attention to my thinking and honour my feelings, no matter what they might be. I have spent a lifetime denying most of my real feelings, so learning to listen and value them is the real journey for me.

Physical healing most often comes as a result of a soul healing …. in whatever form that takes for each one of us. At times it may only be a deep sense of healing within rather than an actual physical healing.

Freedom comes when we trust and allow Divine guidance to reveal our individual paths toward joy and ease.

How does this look for you today? In what ways can you listen to your voice within to lead and guide you now?
 

In closing

 “Do it for love.”  &  “If we don’t dance, what else is there?”
~From the gifted and creative German dance choreographer, Pina Bausch.

With much love, light and peace,
Cindy

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }

The Biggest Opportunity For Love

You know that space when it feels impossible to find anything good about the day? Or the experience you had? Or you find yourself berating yourself or someone else for what just happened? Or what might happen?

It can be so difficult to shift out of this kind of a space.  And then you get so frustrated with yourself because you know better and you can actually watch yourself playing out the entire scene the same way…..again.

Everyone says that in order to have love and peace in your life you have to love yourself.  I even find myself saying that to clients at certain times as well. What does that really mean? How can I really love the parts of me that fall into old patterns, make the same old choices that I really don’t like?

Unconditional Love

This is one of the pieces that I had the experience to really practice and to deepen when we were in Abadiania. It all came down to practicing loving and embracing the parts of me that are the most difficult to love.

While sitting in meditation when I was in Abadiania, I found myself asking how to heal a relationship in my life that continued to trigger me after many years and is an ongoing part of my life.

What I heard was that all I needed to do was to be willing to accept what was triggering me the most: anger and judgment that I perceived from this person.  As it turns out it was actually my own anger and judgment and much of it I was directing at myself.  He is my mirror of my own stuff wanting and needing to be healed.

Taking that one step further, once I was willing to accept the anger and judgment as mine:  could I be willing to love the angry and judgmental parts of myself? That was more tricky. I had no idea how to do this at all.

So I asked for help in my meditation and I chose to be willing to love the angry and judgmental parts of myself. I offered up my willingness to love the parts of me that I denied existed for so long, in an attempt to find peace inside myself.

What I eventually found was a gentleness and compassion for the parts of me that have been in so much pain and fear. Many of those were my own little girls I had been pushing away, trying to ignore. As I began to really see them and to listen, I found it so much easier to embrace them and their fear, and things began to change.

The process began to get easier. As I listened and was open to what triggers regularly showed up for me on the outside, and continued to being willing to love it all inside of me, it really began to shift all aspects of my world. With practice, it has gotten easier and easier, though it does continue to surface.  A deep peace I have longed for is much more real more of the time.

Transmutation

Somewhere in all of this I realized that this is what is called unconditional love. I had found a way to bring that into my body rather than having it be a thought. We have so little around us that reflects this kind of love that it is often difficult to truly experience on an ongoing basis. Our souls know and remember what this is and long for it in so many ways.

The closest doorways around us are often newborn babies and young children or animals.  They resonate with this unconditional love vibration and help us to remember our own deepest truth, which is that we are love. In this place we can then know that we are whole and perfect NOW. Not some day, or when this or that happens.

You are pure love, whole and complete now.

The Opportunity Now

Can you be willing to love the part of you that you have judgment on? The part of you that you tend to beat up or ignore every time it comes up for you? You know what it is because probably right now there is a little voice saying exactly what it is. You don’t have to know how. Willingness is the only requirement.

What would happen if you could love that part of you? Like you love your kids or grand kids or your best friend or your pets?

How would you feel about yourself? How would you treat yourself differently?  How would you treat others differently?

I invite you to take a real step toward loving and embracing yourself exactly how you are right now in this moment. It is the pathway to unconditional love and remembering the real Truth of who you are.

I want to be able to support you however I can in this process. Please contact me if there is any way that I can assist you in discovering the real you.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 4 }

Back Home From Abadiania, Brazil

**The following post is the final blog from my son Raven and my trip to see John of God in January 2012 for five weeks.  For the complete collection of blogs you can go here.

Our trip home went smoothly.  Raven ensured that we had a wheelchair from the moment we entered the first airport by having a seizure and ending up on the floor.  We spent six hours in the Sau Paulo airport waiting for our connection so we know the airport quite well now, which may serve us for future trips.  We arrived home around 3:30 Sunday afternoon after many hours of being enroute, much relieved to be back in our familiar space with our awaiting kitties.

I’m finding it very strange to be writing here in our blog, wrapped up in blankets and sweaters with the heat blasting through the furnace to warm up our chilly house this morning.  It is such a contrast to how I’ve written for the past five weeks from Abadiania.

Reentry has been a challenge for me.  We were both ready to come home so I wasn’t really expecting so much unraveling on such a deep emotional level.  Looking back for me, it actually started about a week before we left when Glenn arrived the day outside the bookstore and I realized that I didn’t have to be strong by myself anymore.

I have spent my entire life feeling like I have to be strong for myself and for everyone around me without knowing I was doing it really.  Certain events have added substaintially to the perception, though it has always been there.  The sense of being strong in this way is a bit like the image of Atlas holding up the entire world with both hands.

I now really understand in a new and deeper way that I no longer have to do anything like this again.  I have so much help and support in so many ways from friends, family, neighbors, and from so many other places all eminating and flowing from God/Divine.

In the illusion of being separate and individual, it was so easy to think it was me against the world.  Now I know it is me with everyone and everything.  The relief for me seems to be a regular out flowing of tears from a very deep place within.

Raven is doing great with a much deeper sense of peace and calm.  He says that he feels much better because he now has a spiritual connection that has changed everything inside for him.

I’m coming to deeply understand that healing has occurred for both of us at very deep places within our souls.  It is perfect and profound exactly the way it has happened right now.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that the seizures are completely gone or maybe that they will ever be gone.  I don’t know.

What it does mean is that we both have experienced exactly what we needed and that we move forward from here with all the healing and gifts we have received and continue to receive everyday.

It is a new awareness that we are always held and supported by Divine in every moment of our daily lives forever.

Thank you to each one of you who have been with us throughout this journey.  It is your journey too no matter when you find these words to read.  It is the journey of each and everyone of us and all of us together.  To reestablish and find our connection with ourselves, with others and with God.

May you each find the peace and love that is here for you now.

With much love, light, peace and gratitude,

Cindy and Raven

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }

Opening Up to Receive Life

You know how there is so much focus on ‘letting go’ these days?

Everywhere I’ve turned for the last few years, all I’ve heard is that all I have to do is to let go of the past, let go of the pain, let go of the expectations, let go of the control……   I thought that I’d be fine and everything would sort out if I let go of old beliefs, old wounds, old pain and anything from the past that has been stopping me from being in the present moment.

And in fact I’ve focused on it lots in my sessions with clients. I’ve been inviting and holding space for others to being willing to let go of that which no longer serves us.  Which is totally awesome and necessary in so many ways.  And I’ve discovered the next huge piece.

I recently had the pleasure and gift of attending a Five Rhythms Dance Workshop where I finally was able to experience in my body the magic of truly Moving the Energy.

I can now feel and know within me that it is necessary and essential to have a continual flow of energy going out and…….. coming in. I have been able to experience how to access and activate an opening within to allow the energy of life and living to come in and move through me, and then to let it go. It is both.

Opening to receive the gift of life in all the ways it is being offered to me is such a rich and fulfilling way to live life. I’m still figuring it out in some ways and yet I can feel the potential.

It is so amazing to me how I have finally been able to bring this knowing in at a brand new and very deep cellular level.  It’s not like I didn’t know it in my head and mind. It is that I hadn’t been able to bring it into my heart and body at this depth until now.

The more I am open to receive the more I am open to more fully release and to give to everyone and everything around me.

It is an equal exchange, just like breathing. They must go together. The inhale and the exhale equally balanced.

When I feel stuck now, I have a bigger game to play.

Where am I holding on so tight?  Am I able to open to receive the gifts of life all around me? Am I able to release that which no longer serves me?

Are there ways that you can open up more to receive?  How would that look for you?  Most importantly, how would it feel for you?

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Comments { 0 }